A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk
i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink?"
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stop hating on pedos at least the drive slow in school zones
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Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
Whats the point of hiding the screaming speedbump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming B:Make it look like an actually speed bump and C:... You think its Hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach
why did the topless woman shout 'stop raping us'?
because she was uneducated
My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.
I told him to stop being so clothes minded
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
What is a type of cancer that:
Affects you Is caused by a device Annoying People won't stop talking about it?
Easy, the answer is Fortnite.
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID? Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.
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Stop making jokes bout Kobe
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My friend: Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny Me: C'mon it's not that deep
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