Stop Jokes

my friend: you really need to stop the sh jokes Me: But their not that long

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low and the cliff was non existent and now you took the poison !"

I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking. But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?

I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep

i was talking to my friend and he said "I lost my virginity to a girl and then she stopped coming to school" and I said "probably because she was fired"

What would fall out of a tree first? A depressed person or a feather?.

Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?

A. By using her equal strength

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??😂

can we stop talking about 9/11 my dad died man but he was a good pilot