Stop jokes
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stop.
Stop who?
Stop posting stupid orphan jokes that have been posted on this site 10 times before!
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.
But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
My heart says to stop because it hurts.
Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to stop the Cold War with a heater.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
Guess what song this is from:
"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,
Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,
Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.
I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."