State jokes
Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.
My life...
Canada United States Mexico
C U M
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
What do you call an orphan at the dinner table?
Family dinner!
Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?
Because their meat has to be in bread.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?
Because they never take a chill pill.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
Have you ever been eight before?
You were between 7 and 9.
What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if you're from Alabama.
Your life.
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
The man was dangling by a string!
I was jealous the day he died.
If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.
What is the definition of Hell, a city in the state of Michigan?