Sound jokes
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.
What noise does Sally like to say? Splat!
What bathroom does a trumpet go to?
The brass room...
I tried to catch yodeling, but he evolved to yodingalig.
What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.
"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.
A Story:
I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.
Sequel follows...
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
What sounds did the Ukraine people make in basketball? Ka-boom!
Tung tung tung sahur. Three tungs when you say his name? So many tungs I oughta call you a polyglot.
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......
Human: :D
Sun: I want to BuRn you.........
Human: .......
Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....
Human: I should be going now.
Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!
Human: *Screams his last sound*
What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?
Ow!
What do you call a train full of gum?
A chew chew train.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.