Sound jokes
ooOooOooOwwwwwwwwwnipplenipplenipplenipplenipple shat y lif.
How do rappers communicate underwater?
They drop some sick flow-tation.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Would you like some wine with those French cries?
"Akeld" sounds like a 56-year-old man just picking on kids for no reason. I say, get a life!
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What do you call a door that bells? A doorbell.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
Spell IHOP, now say 'ness' at the end... 😂 ...I ate your penis!
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A fly flying backwards!