I tried to catch yodeling, but he evolved to yodingalig.
What did the trumpet say to Trump?
"Hi, fellow trumpet!"
Say, "Crack my fingers."
Now say that backwards...
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.
*moans*
Follow me.
I heard a noise, so I'm dead.
What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?
They're both hot, but they're both quiet.
What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A fly flying backwards!
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
Fruit punch sounds like the name of a gay boxer.
I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. 🧼
What do you call a train full of gum?
A chew chew train.
When the cow goes, "moo," and sheep say, "baaa," and the bull says, "boo!"
What does the beet DJ say when he's partying?
"Dance to the beet, y'all!"
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
What happens when the music note starts to misbehave?
Then he gets into treble!
Why did the DJ go to jail?
Because he dropped the bass too hard!
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
