Someone's jokes
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.
"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.
What do you call someone with notorious special needs and an extra chromosome?
The double trouble.
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
I kick a soccer ball at someone in a wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
What do you call someone who is half a Jew?
Jew-ish.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
There has to be someone that hates watersharky. He curses at you if you say one thing about his friends or him. He just is mean and needs to leave.
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
Someone was crushing a bag of chips. I said, "Are you making edibles?"
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.