Someone's jokes

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.

What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.

A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.

Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.

Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.

As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.

What did the man say about someone who had a seizure?

"Jit was lagging."

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Why do orphans like to have sex?

So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

Why did the chicken cross the road why? Because they wanted to kick someone in the family.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?

They actually can call someone "daddy!"

Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!

Like, if you hate wearing a mask.

Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!

True story by the way.