Someone's jokes
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
Saturn was so loved, someone put a ring on him.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
Say this when showing this website to someone: "You know, it's too bad this website doesn't have a homepage."
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?
Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."
What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.
What did the man say about someone who had a seizure?
"Jit was lagging."
I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.
Why do orphans go to church?
They have someone to call "father" there.
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.