Someone's jokes
Why do orphans want to get married so bad?
To have someone to call "daddy."
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
Saturn was so loved, someone put a ring on him.
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
What do you call someone who is half a Jew?
Jew-ish.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?
Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"
Someone is adding dirt to my garden!
The plot thickens!
Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!