Someone's jokes
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone unplugged the router.
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?
Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
What do you call someone without a body?
Nobody.
Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them, and all you can focus on is that trunk.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"