Someone's jokes
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
Someone ordered pizza on a tower... A plane came.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about Bread society?
The Doughker.
I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"
Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
So they could finally call someone "daddy."
Why do orphans go to church?
To call someone "father."
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
What do you call someone that no one loves?
An orphan.