Someone's jokes

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

What do you call someone who makes a joke about Bread society?

The Doughker.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?

Panera misled.

What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?

Panera Behead.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

So they could finally call someone "daddy."

Someone ordered pizza on a tower... A plane came.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

Why do orphans go to church?

To call someone "father."

What do you call someone that no one loves?

An orphan.

How to know something won’t be fun:

Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

Why do orphans love going to church?

So they can call someone "father."

At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.