Someone's jokes

"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."

If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.

How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?

They slash them.

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?

A: When they are falling from their balcony.

Someone in the Twin Towers ordered two pizzas, plane?

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

Why do orphans like being criminals?

Because then someone actually wants them.

Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

Someone turned off flight mode.

(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

Why are Nepalese bad at chess?

Because someone already killed their king!

Why are Nepalese 🇳🇵 bad at chess?

Because someone already killed their 👑.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"