Soda jokes

I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.

One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.

Why does Royal Cola have more royalty than a queen?

Answer: It tastes better.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Sodapop Curtis was actual soda.

Donald Trump and Fanta both have some things in common.

They are both orange and were conceived from Nazis!

Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.

Yo mama so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.

Anybody who doesn't like Pepsi is a Coke-sucker!

What is your true crush?

A soda crush.

Why does NASA only serve Coke?

Because they can't get Seven-Up!

Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?

His wife died.

Fanta Klare Zitrone is cool.

Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.