Yo Mama Tries to Climb Mt. Dew

yo mama so fat i tried to print a picture of her last year and its still printing

yo mama so karen she calls the manger everywhere......... EVERYWHERE

Yo mama so old her birth certificate expired.

Yo mama so old that they didn’t teach history when she was in school.

Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age and she died because of it.

Yo mama so old that she knew Burger King while he was still just a prince.

Yo mama so old that her social security number is 1.

Yo mama so old that her birth certificate has roman numerals on it instead of real numbers.

Yo mama so old she has Adam and Eve’s autographs.

Yo mama so old that she co-wrote the Ten Commandments.

Yo mama so old she has an autographed bible.

Yo mama so old that she remembers when the Mayans published their calendar.

Yo mama so old that for her birthday her candles cost more money than her birthday cake does.

Yo mama so old that she farts dust.

Yo mama so old she owes Fred Flintstone 5 dollars.

Yo mama so old that when she was in high school she had to drive a chariot there.

Yo mama so old that she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

Yo mama so old that she was the DJ at the Boston Tea Party.

Yo mama so old that when she walked into an antique store they decided to sell her.

Yo mama so old she babysat for Jesus.

Yo mama so old that she knew Mr. Clean while he still had an Afro.

Yo mama so old that she knew The Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

Yo mama so old that when God said “Let there be light”, she was there to flick the switch.

Yo mama so old that she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.

Yo mama so old that when Moses split the Red Sea she was on the other side of the sea fishing.

Yo mama so old that she learned to write on cave walls.

Yo mama so old that her memory is in black and white.

Yo mama so old that she is mentioned in the shoutout at the end of the Bible.

Yo mama so old that she planted the first tree at Central Park.

Yo mama so old she sat next to Jesus in kindergarten.

Yo mama so old she has a picture of God in her yearbook.

Yo mama so old that she knew Cap’n Crunch while he was still just a private.

Yo mama so old that she called the cops when David and Goliath started fighting.

Yo mama so old that the Dead Sea was just getting sick when she was born.

Yo mama so old that people mistake her for a fog machine every time she breastfeeds.

Yo mama so old that rainbows were in black and white when she was an infant.

Yo mama so old that she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo mama so old that she owes Jesus a dollar.

Yo mama so old that she ran track with dinosaurs.

Yo mama so stupid that it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Yo mama so stupid that when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran out the door with a bowl and a spoon.

Yo mama so stupid that when she saw the sign “Under 17 not admitted” sign at a movie theatre, she went home and got 16 of her friends.

Yo mama so stupid that when she went for a blood test, she asked for some time to study.

Yo mama so stupid that she got locked in a grocery store and she starved.

Yo mama so stupid that you have to dig for her IQ.

Yo mama so stupid that she tripped over a cordless phone.

Yo mama so stupid that she sold her car for gas money.

Yo mama so stupid that she told everyone she was “illegitimate” because she couldn’t read.

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.

Yo mama so stupid that she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Dr.Pepper.

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.

Yo mama so stupid that she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger that they are selling at McDonald’s.

Yo mama so stupid that she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.

Yo mama so stupid that when read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “OK.”

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Grape Nuts was an STD.

Yo mama so stupid that she spent twenty minute looking at an orange juice box because it said the word “concentrate” on the box.

Yo mama so stupid that when she asked me what yield meant, I told her to slow down and she said “What…does…yield…mean.”

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Dunkin’ Donuts was a basketball team.

Yo mama so stupid that she put a phone up her ass and thought she was making a booty call.

Yo mama so stupid that she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.

Yo mama so stupid that she put on her glasses to watch 20/20.

Yo mama so stupid that she climbed over a glass wall so she could be able to see what was behind it.

Yo mama so stupid that she failed a survey.

Yo mama so stupid that she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go.

Yo mama so stupid she went to the aquarium so she could buy a Blu-ray.

Yo mama so stupid I told her I was reading a book by Homer and she asked if it had anything written by Bart.

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the basement window.

Yo mama so stupid that she needs twice as much sense to be a half-wit.

Yo mama so stupid that she thought brownie points were coupons for a bake sale.

Yo mama so stupid that when the computer said “Press any key to continue”, she couldn’t find the “any” key.

Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning and yelled for a life saver, she said “Orange or Lime.”

Yo mama so stupid that she sat in a tree house because she wanted to be a branch manager.

Yo mama so stupid that I saw her jumping up and down, asked her what she was doing, and she said that she drank a bottle of medicine but she forgot to shake it before drinking it.

Yo mama so stupid that when she locked her keys in the car it took her all day to get your family out.

Yo mama so stupid she got locked out of a convertible car with the top down.

Yo mama so stupid that when she pulled into the drive thru at Taco Bell, she actually drove through the window.

Yo mama so stupid that she put 2 quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Yo mama so stupid that she was on the corner with a sign that said “Will eat for food.”

Yo mama so stupid that in the “No Child Left Behind” act there’s a provision that exempts yo mama.

Yo mama so stupid that she got locked in a furniture and slept on the floor.

Yo mama so stupid that she peeks M&M’s to make chocolate chip cookies.

Yo mama so stupid that she leaves the house for the Home Shopping Network.

Yo mama so stupid that she bought a cup to the movie “ Juice.”

Yo mama so stupid that she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer.

Yo mama so stupid that she’s uses Old Spice for cooking.

Yo mama so stupid she threw a rock to the ground and missed.

Yo mama so stupid that when she went to the store to buy a color TV she asked what colors they had.

Yo mama so stupid that she tries to email people people by putting envelopes into her computer’s disk drive.

Yo mama so stupid she thought Jar- Jar came with Pickles-Pickles.