Die

Gavboy

My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying “b positive b positive” but its hard to be positive with him gone

Man

Mechanical Manic

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”

Doctor

Anonymous

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

Orphan

Anonymous

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self raising

Favorite

Anonymous

What’s a Pedophiles Favorite type of garden

A kindergarden

Puns

Tenzin da fadafingling

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Finger

Anonymous

What’s a lesbians favorite type of food?

Finger-Food

Drink

#awesome

what type of tea do you drink with the queen of england?

royal-tea

Stand

Anonymous

What’s steven hawking’s favourite type of comedy?? Stand up

Hole

Danny

what type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole:

A pedophile

Depression

Anonymous

What’s a depressed person’s least favorite type of cereal???

LIFE

Puns

Declan

What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.

Fart

HorseGirl

What the type of teacher who doesn’t fart in public?

A Private Tutor/Tooter

Puns

Anonymous

Two windmills were standing in a wind farm, one asked whats your favorite type of music, the other one replied… IM A BIG METAL FAN

Difference

SEX

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”

Other jokes:

  1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.

  2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

  3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.

  4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!

  5. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

  6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

  7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

  8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.

People

Anonymous

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those that know binary and those that don’t.

Friend

Jokes

How do we know that the ocean is friendly??? It waves

Puns

deadly humor

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

Puns

Gay F..got

What type of jam can you not eat? Traffic jam

People

yo mom back

there’s two types of emo people

  1. people that cut side to side

  2. and people that cut up and down

the most efficient is up and down

Loading...