A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”

My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying “b positive b positive” but its hard to be positive with him gone

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

What’s a lesbians favorite type of food?

Finger-Food

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self raising

What’s a Pedophiles Favorite type of garden

A kindergarden

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

What’s steven hawking’s favourite type of comedy?? Stand up

what type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole:

A pedophile

What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.

what type of tea do you drink with the queen of england?

royal-tea

What type of jam can you not eat? Traffic jam

How do we know that the ocean is friendly??? It waves

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those that know binary and those that don’t.

[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.

Q:what type of mother gives there daughter sperm. A:a furry mother

What’s a pedophiles favourite type of shoe?

White Vans

Two windmills were standing in a wind farm, one asked whats your favorite type of music, the other one replied… IM A BIG METAL FAN

*tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. i mean, there’s a skele-ton of em! you gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. besides, if ya don’t know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. did those tickle your funny bone? now i’ve been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. now if you hate all these, i won’t be bothered, i got thick skin! but first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. now, i gotta go to grillby’s. they got a discount on spare-ribs. bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.

What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he’s blood type “eh”? “Ah, probably just go with blood typo”

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