Type Jokes

Gavboy

My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying “b positive b positive” but its hard to be positive with him gone

Mechanical Manic

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”

Anonymous

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

Anonymous
in Orphan

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self raising

7
.,.

Iran: we can beat the USA

Japan is typing…

Anonymous

What’s steven hawking’s favourite type of comedy?? Stand up

Anonymous
in Minor

What’s a Pedophiles Favorite type of garden

A kindergarden

4
Ur MoM;)
in Orphan

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

Next: Inappropriate Jokes

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms

What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

Anonymous
in Kidnapping

What type of tape do kidnappers use?

Abduct-Tape

Anonymous
in Depression

What’s a depressed person’s least favorite type of cereal???

LIFE

Anonymous

What’s a lesbians favorite type of food?

Finger-Food

7
Anonymous
in Orphan

What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies

Danny

what type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole:

A pedophile

1
kid toutcher
in Orphan

what type of work can orphans do. home work

Anonymous
in Little Johnny

Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said “lets play a game”. so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says “A” little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself “well he might say something like a$$” so the teacher calls on sally. sally say “apple”. the teacher says “B” little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though “no he might say something like b!tch”. so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says “R” little Johnny raises his hand and say “me me please I really know one”. then the teacher thinks to herself “well theres no cuss word that starts with R” so she said “ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R” little Johnny says “a rat!” and the teacher very pleased say “very good Johnny what type of rat” little Johnny says “A big gosh damn mother freaker”. sorry I had to edit some word but y’all know what I meant.

#awesome
in Tea

what type of tea do you drink with the queen of england?

royal-tea

Tenzin da fadafingling
in Puns

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

2
Anonymous
in Dark Humor

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

fatass phil
in Priest

what type of meat do priests eat on good friday? Nun

Anonymous
in Puns

Two windmills were standing in a wind farm, one asked whats your favorite type of music, the other one replied… IM A BIG METAL FAN