Short jokes
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What's the LGBTQ+'s favorite cereal?
Fruity Pebbles.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
What’s a fun game to play during a pride parade?
Capture the flag.
What’s better than Stephen Hawking?
Stephen walking.