Short jokes
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Why was the obtuse angle hot?
It was more than 90 degrees.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
What was the first sport played on the moon?
Capture the flag.
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?
A Mexican.
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
Did you know that the F in orphan means family?
There's no F in orphan?
Exactly.
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.