Short jokes
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
What do you call a tent for lesbians?
Finger Hut.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.