Short jokes
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
Explain Bear, I want to kiss you.
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.
When I was on the Titanic, I got broken.
Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?
Kid: Sure.
Dad: Come on.
Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?
Dad: Go in.
"Black midget porn is in 911."
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?
"Get off me, homes!"
Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.
Why are Americans so good at Rubik's Cubes?
They are skilled at separating colors.
My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
"Where are you? [Because you] make me wanna throw up every time I see you."
What's the difference between my imaginary friend and God?
None.
They're both imaginary.
Yo Mama is so FAT, it wasn't an iceberg that sank it, she was called, "THE MAMABERG!"
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
Why did the chicken cross the road to Popeyes Chicken?
It wanted to pop some chicken eyes...
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
What did the girl say to the white guy? “You have a peener wiener!”