My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Short Jokes
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.
It says, "271032."
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"
"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!
Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
