Short jokes
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!