Short jokes
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.
The direction I'm looking.
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.