Short jokes
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Did you know that the F in orphan means family?
There's no F in orphan?
Exactly.
What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?
A Mexican.
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.
I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.
What was the first sport played on the moon?
Capture the flag.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.