Short jokes
I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.
You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
when is rape wrong on so many levels?
inside a lift.
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.
What do you call a white duck?
A quacker.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?