Short jokes
Kids when they meet a kid out of home alone be like: “At least your mom came back!”
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.
"Clap clap clap that ass, bitch, shake that cameltoe, let them see them pussy lips!"
I wish you were a soap, because I want you all over me.
What’s the difference between a living and dead person? I don’t know, I just bury the coffin.
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
People are really upset with the Trump-Biden debate.
So much so, that Chris Wallace has requested to change his name.
Oh, you're jealous now.
I could tell a joke right now, but it's too dark.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.
What was King Tut's favorite coffee?
De-coffin-ated.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.