Short jokes
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
What do you call an autistic person? Names.
I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.
I'll call it Downtown.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!