Short jokes
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.