Short jokes
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. What the fuck? Saturday.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
Wanna know what is offensive? I don't know, ask feminist (sans undertale).
Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?