Short jokes
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
What attracted Jeffrey Dahmer to abortion clinics?
- He smelled veal.
Hey girl, are you an orphan?
Oh, that’s right, I’m your daddy.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
What do you call a banana driving a car?
A banana car.
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
Why can't America play chess?
There are missing two towers.
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
Yes.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
Why can’t orphans be a space ship? Because they don’t have a mothership!
What is Riley Brown's favorite game? Tipping over people in wheelchairs.
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................