Short jokes
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
Where does Spider-Man keep his pictures?
On a website.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
My dad coming back.
9/11 wasn’t a terrorist attack, it was the world’s introduction to Sky Football
Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
Two baby seals walk into a club.
A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."