Short jokes
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1.
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.