Short jokes
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
What's a skeleton's favorite food?
Spare ribs.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"
What is a pig crossed with a pineapple?
A porkypine!
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
What's a rapist's fav position?
Missionary in a dark corner.
I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.
Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Down syndrome kid: Stop being greedy with the Legos! Me: Stop being greedy with the chromosomes!
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.