Short jokes
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.
Why do midgets work at Tesco?
Because every little helps.
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!