Short jokes
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!
Why did the farmer go to the strip club?
Because he was looking for his hoe.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.
I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Trevor Bauer for President.
Beans
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?
They don’t deserve rights!
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I've got 5 fingers, she will get 2.