Short jokes
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.
Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.