Short jokes
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
What mountain cries the most?
A mountain under water.
The towers collapsed on 9/10, not 9/11.
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".
What kind of hair do oceans have? Wavy.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Bill Cosby will pudding rape you.
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
In America, you find Waldo.
In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.
What is the difference between Madeleine McCann and a submarine?
They are both full of seamen and are at the bottom of the ocean.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What's long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Your hairline was playing Sorry!
Pulled the wrong card and moved back five spaces.
Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming!
How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
You really put the R in special.
This kid lost Kahoot, so he shot up the school.
I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.
It was one-sided.