Short jokes
Yo momma so old, she was at Cain and Abel's baby shower.
Why do people play soccer?
Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.
I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.
It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
What do you call a legless cow?
Handicapped and stupid and monke and food.
What kind of air does Ariana breathe?
Helium?
So 666-3629, so get it?
When the card declines on child insurance.
Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?
A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
August 3rd is the moon of earth, earth, moon, earth, universe.
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
What do you call a Hippie's Wife? A Mississippi.
Who is not allowed to watch PG movies?
Orphans.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
What did the parents name their retarded baby? Dimitri
What do you call a dipshit?
A Charlie.
Why do rappers make great fishermen?
They always have the best HOOKS.
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.