Short jokes
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?
He took away their ottoman!
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.