Short jokes
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
WOW this ultra realistic jenga is awesome!🔥🔥
What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks?
One is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.