Short jokes
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.