Short jokes
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"