Short jokes
I love orphans. They're precious.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
I found a key that works for every door at my school.
What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.
Why did the fruit punch say "What's sup?"
He was so naughty!
Kid goes to the kitchen.
Mom: What are you doing here?
Kid: Just checking out the knife.
Mom: So you've chosen death.
Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.
When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?
Because when they win, they lose.
Not a joke.
Any girls looking for a steamy hot man?
Roses are red, get on your knees, and bark for me!
Yo mama so poor, the homeless donate to her.
Add me on Snapchat for streaks: Loganlytton.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
Huggy Wuggy big big Huggy Wuggy big big big big Huggy Wuggy laugh laugh smooch smooch Huggy Wuggy *insert clapping noise*
Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"