Short jokes
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."