Short jokes
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...
In A minor.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
cock, cock, and cum
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.