Short jokes
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?
It’s the premium version of gay.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."