Short jokes
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
Why did you go depressed?
Because you’re you.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
You use your legs as support, you count on your fingers.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lion 🦁.
Lion who?
Lion again, aren't you?
Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?
Student: Apple!
Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?
Student:....Bitch...