Short jokes
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
What do you call a homeless Hitler?
A roofless dictator.
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.