Short jokes
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
Feminists are a joke.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.