Short jokes
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
What do you call someone with a pindie spot?
Stop screen recording.
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because we shot the last one that had a dream.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Why did they invent white chocolate?
So Black people can be messy too.
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...