Short jokes
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?
It’s the premium version of gay.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
Ever tried African food?
Neither have they.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
WOW this ultra realistic jenga is awesome!🔥🔥
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
Communists don't play Minecraft.
They play Ourcraft.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.