Short jokes
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.
I told the emo girl to stop playing fruit ninja on her wrists.
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...
In A minor.
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.