Short jokes
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.