Short jokes
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?
Do you want to hang later?
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.