I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
Short Jokes
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Guess Stephen's batteries died.
