Short jokes

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

What place has more boys than the Catholic Church? Michael Jackson's bedroom.

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.

Smash or pass?

"Smash," said the iceberg.

TItanic:...

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?

Young Boy Never Walk again.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.