Short jokes
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.
Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.
Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...
In A minor.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
cock, cock, and cum
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?