Short jokes
Why didn't Trump beat Biden?
Because he couldn't trump that bitch!
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?
Young Boy Never Walk again.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Sometimes, stairs get me down.
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because we shot the last one that had a dream.