Short jokes
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
Putin's Brain:
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
I hate the term feminazi. It is offensive to real Nazis.
September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.