Short jokes
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
What place has more boys than the Catholic Church? Michael Jackson's bedroom.
Your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter than it.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*