Short jokes
If you put your foot in a pond, your foot will get wet.
No joke, I just wasted about 5 or 6 seconds of your life.
What is a necrophile's least favorite game?
The Walking Dead.
What is the cheetah's favorite candy? Cheetos.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
Who loves walnut? Wallace!
What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?
A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.
I want your weight, not your phone number.
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.
What do you call a fat duck?
Donald Duck.
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.
What do you do when you're sad?
Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.
Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Momma?
Momma who?
Big Momma!
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
Why can’t orphans build anything?
Because they can’t go to Home Depot.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
What did Sophie Brussaux's baby get every week?
A face full of sperm.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite fruit?
Boisenberry.
What is blue and sits in a corner? A baby in a baggy.