Short jokes
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
When people make accounts about you and a category.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
what's black and red and is a liquid?
my scars!
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.