Short jokes
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.
Rust in peace.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.