Short jokes
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.