Short jokes

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

"This is a stand-up."

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?

They are just two plane.

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.

How did the rich save the poor?

They didn't let them in the Titanic.

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.

Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?

Family restaurants.

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

"Don't worry! Life goes on."

"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

What is a dry swimmer?

Not in the water...

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.

Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?

Because momma never raised no pussy.

The toaster;

otherwise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.