Short jokes
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
Why can’t the blind man find love?
It’s called love at first sight.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?
They are just two plane.
If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
How did the rich save the poor?
They didn't let them in the Titanic.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.