Short jokes
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
What do you call a homeless Hitler?
A roofless dictator.
What do sped gymnasts wear?
A Reotard.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.