Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.
Because it would cut itself.
Short Jokes
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? He thought they were a delivery service.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.
Two orphans fighting in the rain.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?
From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
