Short jokes
I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
What is a dry swimmer?
Not in the water...
All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
How did the rich save the poor?
They didn't let them in the Titanic.
If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.
The toaster;
otherwise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."