Short jokes
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Nevermind, it's retarded.
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."