Short jokes
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
What is a dry swimmer?
Not in the water...
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.