Short jokes
I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
Nevermind, it's retarded.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.