Short jokes
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball.
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"
So, Duracell batteries do run out.
"_____ abortion clinic, you rape it, we scrape it.
_____ sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it."
What do you call a midget with autism?
A weetard.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"