Baby

Anonymous

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

Legs

Anonymous

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

Puns

Unicornglitteryblood

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said "I’m a frayed knot

Man

Kenny

Son: mom what is dark humor? Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!! Mom: exactly!

Depression

Anonymous

An obese depressed mother is trying to tie a noose but can’t reach it so she calls her son for help a few minutes later son: there mother: where did you learn to tie such a good noose? son: dad showed me before he died mother: DAM HIM TO HE- slips and noose chokes her to death

Woman

Person

A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.”

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?”

The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”

Common

Anonymous

What does Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common? Tying

Trump

Anonymous

Why are Trump’s ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

Fire

Anonymous

A missionary was caught by cannibals. we was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, “You can’t stew me. I’m a friar.”

Fight

Anonymous

Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.

War

B-rett

How did Hitler tie is tiny little shoesies?

With tiny little Nazis.

Baby

I'm The Baby

What’s worse than 5 babies tied to 5 trees.

1 baby tied to 5 trees,

Puns

Anonymous

what did the shoe say to the other shoe?

nothing it was tied up in a other conversation

Hang

Anonymous

What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead, I’ll just hang around.

Puns

Anonymous

Why tie when you can knot?

Head

Alex

What did the hat say to the tie? I’ll go on a head, while you just hang around!

Puns

Big Daddy

What happened when the teacher tied all the students shoe lases together?

They took a class trip.

Priest

Anonymous

Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?

To tie his kangaroo down sport

Koala

Koalaty Controller

Q:Why did the first Koala Fall off the tree A: Because it was dead Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too. Q:Why did the third Koala fall off the tree A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down Q:Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree A: It was tied to the fifth koala Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree A: Peer group pressure

Puns

I was gay

My friend broke his tie. That’s a tie breaker.

Loading...