Baby

Anonymous

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

2

Puns

Unicornglitteryblood

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said "I’m a frayed knot

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Legs

Anonymous

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

Sister

random person

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”.

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don’t have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal’s eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

The principal was looking restless

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: O MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with ‘F’ and ends wit a ‘K’ and if you don’t get it, you’ve to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Ohooo !

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, “Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!”

Darkness

Kenny

Son: mom what is dark humor? Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!! Mom: exactly!

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Woman

Person

A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.”

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?”

The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”

7

Cannibal

Anonymous

A missionary was caught by cannibals. we was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, “You can’t stew me. I’m a friar.”

Trump

Anonymous

Why are Trump’s ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

0

Japanese

Anonymous

What does Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common? Tying

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Depression

C00LIN

Is it normal my emo cousins hobby is tying himself to train tracks.

Depression

Anonymous

An obese depressed mother is trying to tie a noose but can’t reach it so she calls her son for help a few minutes later son: there mother: where did you learn to tie such a good noose? son: dad showed me before he died mother: DAM HIM TO HE- slips and noose chokes her to death

2

Fight

Anonymous

Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.

Priest

Anonymous

Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?

To tie his kangaroo down sport

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Blow

Anonymous

why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

Woman

Anonymous

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said help me please, he had to do some forceful thinking

Depression

Anonymous

Why do the depressed people go to camp to learn how to tie knots tighter

War

B-rett

How did Hitler tie is tiny little shoesies?

With tiny little Nazis.

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Puns

Big Daddy

What happened when the teacher tied all the students shoe lases together?

They took a class trip.

Puns

Anonymous

what did the shoe say to the other shoe?

nothing it was tied up in a other conversation

Rainbow

dev

What type of bow cant be tied?

… … … … … … . . . . … … … … . . . . … *A *RainBow