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A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.”

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?”

The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said "I’m a frayed knot

What does Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common? Tying

Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.

Why are Trump’s ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead, I’ll just hang around.

y couldnt bob hang himself?

because he had no arms to tie a not. :’-)

So there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, “Oii, your kind ain’t welcomed here so take your drink, mates and f... off.” He goes back to his mates and says, “We’d better get outta here.” “Nonsense.” replies the mid guy, he’s your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, He’s your typical rope. He burst out, “F... this!”. He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink he opens with, “Say aren’t you a string?” “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

An obese depressed mother is trying to tie a noose but can’t reach it so she calls her son for help a few minutes later son: there mother: where did you learn to tie such a good noose? son: dad showed me before he died mother: DAM HIM TO HE- slips and noose chokes her to death

Why tie when you can knot?

What did the hat say to the tie? I’ll go on a head, while you just hang around!

What happened when the teacher tied all the students shoe lases together?

They took a class trip.

My friend broke his tie. That’s a tie breaker.

What’s worse than 5 babies tied to 5 trees.

1 baby tied to 5 trees,

Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter? Palpatine: Flew it.

What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour

A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck

How do Germans tie their shoes ? Answer: In Nazis !

I like my women like I like my wine.

Twelve years old and tied up in my basement.