Short jokes
How do people in Alabama get circumcised? You knee your sister's jaw...
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
Daddy bear said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"
Mummy bear said, "It was probably your whore, Linda!"
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
Why was Stephen Hawking late to the NASA meeting?
He couldn't get up the kerb.
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
NASA is going to probe Uranus, and it might take a while to get there.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.
85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.
(Teach me your ways, 15%.)
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
What does a Chinese guy say to the love of his life?
"You're the ying to my yang!"
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
Post your jokes in the comments below!
Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"