Short jokes

What did Darth Trump Vader say to evil emperor Putin?

"Yesssss Massager!"

What do squirrels eat?

Nuts. 🥜

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.

What's the difference between a mole and a priest?

One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.

My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.

Yo mama so fat, COW!

Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?

There cheetah you.

What do you call the Spanish translation of the 9th Star Wars movie?

Rogue Juan.

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

I fucked your girl.

Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.

What do you call a homeless orphan?

Homo-less.

The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.

Does anyone know Wakanda movie is Black Panther?

Rhydon- son.

Rhydon? - mum.

RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.

Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.

XD

Hi. Did sskskss sis askance ddodks sjissmsnsiam a sksddkddd mc?

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.