Short jokes
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there wasn’t a ramp.
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
What do you call Nicholas and Dillon/Dennis?
GAY
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
I find bananas very appeeling.
Hey, cobalt can't. But tin can ;)
What is Ba + 2Na?
Ans. Banana.
Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.
What type of apple grows on a tree?
All of them.
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
Why was Stephen Hawking good at football? Because he is a pro dribbler.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
Are you beef?
Because you're Carlos-Asada.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.
It's called "Unplugged!"