Short jokes

Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.

How did the gay girl die? Homicide.

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?

Dress up as a piñata!

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

Helen Keller deaf-initely faked it!