Short jokes
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stop.
Stop who?
Stop posting stupid orphan jokes that have been posted on this site 10 times before!
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title?
Finding Emo.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?
The low ground.