Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
Short Jokes
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
