Short jokes
If you drop something, make your short friend get it.
You heard of the Pixar movie "Up," but have you heard of "Down, Down," the 9/11 terrorist attack?
Checkout (DYM 104).
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.
What do Princess Diana and the Beatles have in common?
They both made quite an impact in Europe.
Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
Isn't a gaming console something people use to not be alone?
THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE 50% OF THE GAMES OFFLINE?!??!?!
At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.
Me. I am the joke.
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!