Short jokes
What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.