Short jokes

What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?

Answer: Assprin.

What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?

Rrrrrapeit!

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.

Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀

Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"

The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"

What is the tallest building?

A library 📚

It has the most stories.

Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?

She doesn't eat pigs.

What do you call a group of chubby trans-genders?

Trans-fats.

What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.

Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead.

My girlfriend's last words:

"I can’t wait to become a mom!"

I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...

All I got was "error 404 page not found."

I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.

What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!