Short jokes
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
My dad just comes and goes.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.