Short jokes
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?
There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?
A. System of a Down's syndrome.
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.
Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.