Short jokes
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What do you call an Asian prostitute?
Suck Mi Dong.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.
Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.