Short jokes
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.
You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan is typing...
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
Whoever took my anti-depressant pills,
I hope you're fucking happy.
It's no surprise Donald Trump moved to Florida. That's where the oranges are.
What planet did Hitler hate the most?
Jewpiter.
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.