Short jokes
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.
What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?
They can blow themselves up.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?
A. System of a Down's syndrome.
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
What planet did Hitler hate the most?
Jewpiter.