Short jokes
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
What does Frosty the snowman eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
"Waiter, my steak is too skinny."
"It's a strip steak, sir."
"At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.
Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."
I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
Hippity hoppity, Hiroshima, Nagasaki.
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?