Short jokes
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.
You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.
What does Frosty the snowman eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.