Short jokes

I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.

⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️

What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?

A Kit Kat

Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"

I'm dying to live forever!

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

He's not really dead, his update failed.

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

A: There was a face off in the corner.

How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.

Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?

She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

"Son, I found a condom in your room."

"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

Roses are red. He shows no remorse.

Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.