Short jokes

Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

Curry.

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

A: There was a face off in the corner.

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.

Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?

She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

"Son, I found a condom in your room."

"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

Roses are red. He shows no remorse.

Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.

What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.

What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.