Short jokes
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
He's not really dead, his update failed.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.