Short jokes

I guess the queen ran out of totems of undying.

The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.

The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.

Bro, they almost forgot you in the abortion bucket.

Doctor: You have cancer.

Patient: Will I survive?

Doctor: Probably not.

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

The difference between George Floyd and Kobe Bryant is Kobe got air.

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.

[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.

How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?

I'm all panic and no disco.

You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.

There are two types of people, avoid them both.

What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.

You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.

Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.

Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.

If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.

What is brown and sticky? A stick!

Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.

Fruit punch sounds like the name of a gay boxer.