Short jokes

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

What's the darkest point in the universe?

The inside of a KFC.

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.

Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.

I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.

(She's blind and deaf)

Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.

How dairy!

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.

Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.

If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.

What is burned dark and glued to the wall?

A bad electrician.

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.