Short jokes
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
One Erection would be a very nice name for a gay band.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?
Because every time they scan, it scans twice.