Short jokes

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.

What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

Men: "I like dogs."

Women: "I like cats."

Chinese: "Food is food."

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.

Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.

Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

I make science puns, but only periodically.

Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?

Reports say there's a small medium at large!

When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!