Short jokes
I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.