Short jokes

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?

Raisins.

One man's pet is another man's dinner.

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.

I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.

What does BLM stand for?

Bisexual Lives Matter.

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

1 like = 1 kid in my oven. I'm trying to get followers and comments, please.

Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.

What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

Because everything they do is in vein.

Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

Call me an escalator because I let people down.

My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.