Short jokes
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?
What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?
Drool.
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.