Short jokes
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?
Drool.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
1 like = 1 kid in my oven. I'm trying to get followers and comments, please.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.